Photos with Jesus

So there are two sides to Christmas - the spiritual "Jesus is born" Christmas, and the secular "Ho ho ho" Christmas. And you see all the malls have their Santas, and the kiddos line up to get their pictures taken with the big guy. And I'm thinking, "why don't we have photo ops with Jesus since it is His birthday after all?"

You might wonder how on earth that would be possible, given Jesus' current glorified state and all. But, really, is He here or not? Where is Jesus? Who would people get their picture taken with after waiting in the "Jesus line?"

The answer: Christians. Believers. The Church. Jesus lives in His people, right? We are not perfect, of course, but we are the way He chooses now to touch this world. We are the mask of God (as I read in a recent Forward in Christ). What a beautiful image! It's like a costume ball and God is there, and as He interacts with people, He puts on the mask of Traci... or Nancy... or Jon... or Mark... or you?

Are we perfect? Do we get everything right? Of course not! But His perfection is so much greater than our imperfection that He can use us anyway. And that's His glory.

So where's the line for "Photos with Jesus?"

The Lights of Christmas

Christmas is, appropriately, a time of lights. Small or large, there are beautiful light displays seemingly everywhere you look. Whether lights on your tree, candles in the windows, lights strung along the borders of your home, or a flashing multi-colored extravaganza... the light shines in the darkness. It beckons, captivates, calls out to some quiet, hopeful, expectant place within us.

Why light at this, the darkest, time of the year?

"Let there be light." He said it at the very beginning. And the light penetrated the primal darkness. It was his plan from the start.

There was a star, a great new light in the heavens. It was God's own birth announcement hung up in the sky for all to see, though few would understand it at the time. It led the wise kings to the King of kings.

There was the Word. "In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it...

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth."

As the lights of Christmas twinkle in our eyes, may we hear his still, small voice calling to the depths of our darkness where only he can bring peace on earth. The darkness will not overcome the Light.

Being Thankful

Thanksgiving. So much to be thankful for...

My family, of course. Everyone says that, right? So it's easy to skip over it kinda fast - it's such a given - but really that's what makes us humans tick. It's the source of our greatest joy (and heartache)... our relationships with others. I can't get over the richness my wonderful husband, my three kids, my parents, in-laws, and out-laws bring to my life.

For loving friends, good health, cozy home, good food and sufficient "stuff."

For our minivan that didn't need transmission work after all, a plentiful supply of multi-colored leaves for the kids to play in, crazy pooches that bring extra laughter (and sometimes aggravation) to our home.

For the smell of leaves in autumn, the rustling sound of wind in the trees, the contagious giggles of children.

For the peace that surpasses all understanding, for the hope of a better tomorrow, for this grace in which I stand.

And most of all, for the love of the Giver of Every Good and Perfect Gift, who fills my life and my heart in more ways than I can possibly comprehend. To God be the glory. Amen.

All I Needed Was a Pair of Jeans

I finally decided to buy myself some new jeans the other day. So, while all three kiddos were at their appropriate schools, I headed to the mall. Let me begin by saying that it's been a really long time since I bought jeans or have even had jeans that fit well, with the yo-yo-ing size of me thanks to the aforementioned three kiddos. Anyway...

So I'm in the first store, looking at the vast Wall O' Denim, and I'm thinking it can't be as bad as it looks. But I was wrong. There are like 20 different sizes, each available in S for short, R for regular, and L for long. There are six or eight different "fits" (low rise with straight leg, low rise with boot cut, mid rise straight, etc). And then there are the different washes or colorings and such. I wasn't too keen on the indigo dye that threatened to leave its mark permanently on the furniture if I didn't wash it just right (I don't need stress from my jeans, thank you). And I wasn't about to shell out good money on jeans with holes in them (after all, I need new jeans because my current jeans are growing holes of their own... the natural way). After trying on six pairs of jeans, I give up on store number one and move on.

I tried another little shop that didn't have many jeans, then proceeded to a large store that seemed to me to be a denim expert. But I couldn't even bring myself to try on any jeans due to sticker shock combined with an unintelligible sizing system that is either foreign, or an insider thing to make their followers feel cooler and "in the know." I was outta there!

I finally did manage to find one good pair of jeans for a reasonable price at my fourth store after trying on four pairs of jeans (and two pairs were mislabelled). All that work for one pair of jeans. This is why I hate clothes shopping sometimes!

Just a Day at the Beach

We spent the beautiful afternoon today at the beach, in part due to Anna's recent obsession with the movie Nim's Island (she wanted to run and play in the water like Nim does). It was nearly perfect... not too hot, not too crowded, nice little breeze, perfect blue sky, shells to be gathered, sand to play in, birds to chase, and even some dolphins passing by. I love the beach like that!

What I don't love is the part of going to the beach immediately preceding, and following, the good stuff. Preceding, there was fussing between siblings and whining about toys we forgot to bring along (where's the gratitude, guys?), along with the obligatory and time-consuming Application of Sunscreen. Following, there was grumbling that it was time to leave, changing of minds - and clothes - in the van, not to mention sand everywhere!

I don't know... maybe we're just not enough of a "beach" family to do it easily. Maybe if we went more often, the whole experience would flow more naturally and evolve into something holistically enjoyable. But I know some people with kids just love going to the beach all the time... do they have secrets or tricks they employ to make the entire process more pleasant? Or do they simply have easier-going personalities that can overlook the little annoyances? Maybe once our kids are bigger and can do more for themselves, it will be more fun overall. In the meantime, we will not go frequently, but I will always love the middle part of going to the beach!

Hoping Change is in the Cool Autumn Air

It's October and the weather has finally cooled off a bit around here! I was beginning to worry we'd be in the 80's and 90's forever (yes, I know this is south Georgia and the weather does this every year, but it does get old - although it is nice to still be in the pool in September)! Don't you just love the changing of seasons? A new chapter, a breath of fresh air, new opportunities, a new rhythm to life...

Now we're back into the swing of the schoolyear routine. Evan is attending a Parents' Morning Out now so I actually have two mornings a week all to myself! Just think what I could accomplish in that time! The list is long... finish painting some walls and trim in the house, sell stuff on eBay, exercise, write, organize the garage, and on and on. So much to do, so little time.

This week I will go and cast my vote since early voting is open now for the November election. It does seem a bit odd to vote so soon, but I am so ready to see some real change in DC that I jump at the chance to get the ball rolling. Plus, early voting is so convenient... no waiting in lines with small children fussing... and we all want convenience after all, don't we? So go out and vote (unless you're voting for the opposition, in which case you can do the rest of us a favor and just stay home - she said ever-so-sweetly)!   :)

Angel in the Corner

The other night as I was saying goodnight to Will, he said he needed someone to sleep in bed with him because he got scared. I told him he was a big boy and that we couldn't sleep in there with him. I reminded him that he has a bunch of stuffed animal friends to snuggle with and that God is always with him. Then I added that God has His angels watching over us all the time. I wondered to myself whether Will would find that tidbit reassuring or too interesting to allow him to sleep. Suddenly he looked up and pointed to the corner of the room and asked, "Is that one right there?" It's hard not to laugh sometimes when kids are so sincere! Will did manage to fall asleep shortly thereafter.

Not Playing Nice

Well, Anna had a bad day at school today. Apparently she's had several bad days lately that she hasn't told me about, which explains why she had the mysterious "I just don't feel good" this morning while she begged to stay home. Apparently the girls at school are not playing with Anna. She said she asks them if she can play and they tell her "no". Ugh! I hate that! Why would anyone not want to play with my sweet little angel? Ok, seriously, nobody's perfect, but can't they all play together nicely?? Anna's two best friends from last year are not in her class this year, so she's sad about that, too. What's a parent to do??

September 11, 2001

The shock and horror of the realization of what had happened.

The utter unreality of it.

Going to work at Friedman's Jewelers in the Statesboro Mall.

Employees and customers hand in hand in a giant prayer circle in the middle of the mall. Praying. Blinking in disbelief. Wishing it weren't true.

Knowing the world would never be the same.

Parents as Servant-Leaders

Lately I've been considering my role as a mother, and how best to impact my kids for a successful future as mature, involved adults. And I've been coming back to the biblical idea of the servant-leader. Jesus, of course, is the best example of this. He led and influenced large numbers of people, while also humbling himself to serve them (like when he washed his disciples' feet). I think this model fits the role of a parent quite well as we seek to lead our little ones through the maze of social customs, moral values, and general education, all the while serving them as their primary care-givers responsible for their nurturing in every way.

I am trying to be mindful of this ideal when I am getting up for the tenth time during dinner to clean up the spilled milk and provide a refill. Or when nightmares and funny noises and lovies that have fallen off the bed conspire to keep me from a good night's sleep. Or when dirty diapers need changing or someone has gotten sick on the couch. Not really fun times or good times, but important, serving times. The exact times when the servant side of the servant-leader is best displayed. We can find joy (not fun or happiness necessarily) in those times knowing we are following Jesus' example in caring for our little ones and putting them first. When we are not feeling the love, He can provide it for us.

The servant-leader idea is a bit of a balancing act. It is important not to overplay one side or the other. Too much servant, and you become a doormat with spoiled, bratty kids. Too much leader (authority), and you become a tyrant with resentful, fearful kids. The trick is to get it just right (or close), somewhere in the middle. The balance is where you lead in love and strength controlled; where you serve in love to lift them up.

It is others-centered rather than self-centered. It is impossible on our own. But by grace, when we trust in God, He can enable and empower us in this great task of shaping and equipping our kids to realize their potential and become productive, compassionate, responsible adults ready to take their place in society.

The Fry is Falling! The Fry is Falling!

Today, as I sat in the soft play area of the Oglethorpe Mall, a French fry landed on the floor a few feet in front of me with no one standing nearby. I don't know where it came from. I glanced around and didn't notice anyone looking impishly guilty. I don't know why I didn't walk over and pick it up to prevent some innocent little kid from eating it off the floor. I just sat there, contemplating it. And then, suddenly, a sparrow flew down to the carpet, looked around for a split second, grabbed the fry, and flew up and away. Seriously. It was very surreal. After a while I saw the little guy again and watched him flit into the yummy pretzel shop, no doubt looking for some cinnamon and sugar pretzel bits.

End of Summer Resolutions

The winds of change are blowing; I can feel it in my bones. It's my 10th wedding anniversary today, the start of a new decade of my life, back to school time. I'm ready to make some changes, do things a bit differently and get some new and improved results, take on the world! Why make resolutions in the bleak winter? Why not at the end of the oppressively hot summer, when the promise of cooler, invigorating autumn teases and beckons (ok, I live in South Georgia where we won't actually feel any autumn coolness until late October or so)? I hereby resolve - ever so resolutely - to eat only when hungry (or just a little bit for the sake of social courtesy). I resolve to try to go to bed earlier (does it count as a resolution if you only try?). I resolve to work on my career path again. I resolve to savor every moment, to live deeply, to love richly, to be more thankful, to give more freely. I resolve to be a bit nicer - to myself and to others. I resolve to blog more often and to work on my photo albums with renewed fervor. I resolve to train my dogs - with the help of my daughter (whose hero is Victoria Stillwell, dog trainer). Resolutions or wishlist? I don't know. But for the moment I'm feeling inspired, invincible, capable, empowered! Tomorrow, we'll see...

Rambling About Time

Wow - it's August already and I only managed to write one post in all of July! Sure I have reasons and excuses like anyone else... kids, part time job, my other blog on coastalmommies.com, kids, etc. Well today I don't have a topic in mind, but just wanted to write something so here goes...

It's my hubby's birthday today - happy birthday, Jon!!! The big 40! And soon we will celebrate 10 years of wedded bliss. Can't believe how time flies. I was flipping through an old photo album earlier - from 1995 to 1997 maybe. Old friends, old memories, old pets, movie stubs (remember $3.50 matinees?). Parts of it seem so long ago, but other parts are like yesterday. Still I can't help but look at the old photos of Jon and me and wonder who were those kids?!?! It's funny to look at the past, knowing their future is now the present. Ok, weird. Of course, today is tomorrow's past, too, so let's live it to the fullest so we can later look back with fond sentimentality.

Gluttons For Our Doom

Today I drove past a woman who was waiting at the bus stop. She was obese and smoking a cigarette, and my thought was, why are we so bent on our own destruction? Surely she knew that smoking - as well as the extra weight - can kill her. Surely she realizes that she should probably eat healthier and exercise more. It's easy to know things, even easy to desire to do things, but getting the right things done is the hard part.

As the Indigo Girls sang, "No one can convince me we aren't gluttons for our doom." It applies to every aspect of life - physical, emotional, spiritual. We have bad habits, hang-ups, attitudes, etc that we know are harmful to us and yet we persist. We all have issues. We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, to take it up a notch. To paraphrase the apostle Paul, the good that I want to do, I do not do....but the very thing I do not want to do is exactly what I do! Who can help us out of this predicament? By grace, through faith alone (not by what we do so no one can take credit for it), God has saved us through Jesus' life and death and resurrection.

Jesus makes us right with God in the big picture. In the day to day smaller picture we still get our heads befuddled because we still wrestle with our own sin nature. But we can live in the sure hope that He has set us free, He is setting us free, and ultimately He will set us free. Thanks be to God! Amen!

Pottery Comes Home

Anna and Will went to pottery summer camp a couple weeks ago, and today we finally got to bring home all their lovely creations. Two big bags of beautiful, treasured, individually wrapped, breakable pottery made its way into our home. The breakable part concerns me because we have Toddling Evan (with his ever-growing Reach) to keep things away from. Plus, I don't know what exactly I'm going to do with all these priceless works of art - I still haven't found places to put all the things Anna made at last year's pottery camp! I need plate hangers, hooks, shelves! And fast! I'm not so sure we'll be doing pottery camp again next summer...

All in a Summer's Day

Well, today was a good day for me. I can't always say that, but today I felt like a pretty good mommy! Took Anna and Will to VBS at their Grandma's church, got Evan to take his morning nap, did a bit of work for which I am paid. Picked up the kiddos from VBS, and we had a picnic in the front room - we discovered that Evan is not yet big enough to understand the idea of a picnic, although he did really enjoy the plum he devoured. Put Evan down for his afternoon nap, read stories about kindness and compassion to Anna and Will (as part of my mission to focus on moral instruction this summer without them knowing it - hoping they will be nicer to each other more consistently), played two board games with kids. Evan woke up and we headed to the pool for a bit, then back home to make dinner (yes, actually cook dinner!)... and it was good! Yea me!

Too Hot

It is so incredibly hot - except that this is South Georgia in June so it is to be somewhat expected, though not readily embraced. We went out to Uncle Bubba's Oyster House for dinner tonight to celebrate our nephew's 16th birthday (where has the time gone?). We ate outside, which was tolerable with the pleasant breeze coming off the water. But by the time we left - around 8:30 or 8:45 pm it was still hot and humid enough to make one sweat between breezes. At 10:00 tonight the heat index was 105. Ridiculous. We arrived home and promptly found two spiders and two palmetto bugs in our house (eek!)... my only guess is that they, too, were trying to escape the heat outside!

The Moon Outside My Window

Jon trimmed the bushes outside our computer room window recently, and I've just tonight noticed that I can see the moon now. Cool. It reminds me of my more reflective pre-children days when I had time to bask in the moonlight, pondering the universe and my place in it. Ha! Those days are gone (for now at least), but I think it is still important to steal some time to relish the stillness. I'll put that on my to-do list and try to work it in. :)

Job Befuzzlement

I have this part time job as a bookkeeper, which I find a bit funny because I never ever dreamed of being a bookkeeper. I've had the job since Anna was a baby - took it for the convenience of it really... easy job, flexibilty, nice boss, extra cash. When Evan was on the way I transitioned the job to work from home... more flexibilty. So now it's been about five years at this job... actually five years plus one boss's wife minus my co-worker (who seems to have been driven off by said wife)... and I'm feeling the nearly uncontrollable urge to move on. For some reason it seems the wife and I are incapable of working together without completely aggravating each other, which I don't understand really since I do try to be friendly. It's not my fault that she doesn't have the depth of knowledge that I do... I try to explain things in a helpful way.

Anyway... maybe I'm not meant to work for someone else. I have a freelance writing job now that I really enjoy. Or maybe five years is simply too long to spend doing a job just to collect the paycheck without losing my mind! As I think back on my "career" (in the loosest sense of the word), I don't think I've ever stayed at a job longer than five years, a fact that I justify by my inability to figure out what I really want to be when I grow up. I have not yet found a job that is truly a match for me. Trouble is, with three kids, I'm afraid I've almost grown up and still don't know. Eek!

Ah, well... if not for that nice little extra bit o' cash, I'd say good-bye to this bookkeeping job in a heartbeat, and set off to discover my passion. Just as soon as I found someone to watch the kids for me. Sigh!

Memorial Day Thoughts

So it's Memorial Day again. A nice three-day weekend, a good time to have a cook-out or go to the beach. Or remember - be mindful - that war is hell. When I think about the true purpose of Memorial Day, it makes all the other activities of the weekend seem so frivolous, almost embarassing. Now I'm not saying we should scrap all fun plans for the holiday weekend; just that we should be sure to honor the day for what it is... our Remembrance Day to pay tribute to all who have given their lives for our country to help preserve our life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that we treasure. Blood has been shed, hearts have been broken, hopes have been destroyed. Many brave men and women have made the ultimate sacrifice, giving their lives to save ours, to preserve our freedom. To them and their loved ones I send out a Thank You.

And on quite another level I am reminded also of the One who gave His life for the whole world - because sin is hell. His blood was shed, hearts were broken, but a new hope has arisen. He gave His life as the perfect sacrifice, once and for all, to give us true and everlasting freedom that no one can take away. Through Christ we have life eternal and peace unshakable. To my gracious God, Lord of all, I send out a Thank You. Amen.

Growing Up Evan

Yesterday Evan turned 13 months old - I can hardly believe it - and suddenly he is taller, I'm sure of it. He takes several steps at a time by himself now, dabbles in the art of eating real food, and cries when I tell him "no." He is getting so big. Yesterday as I was walking him around the house I discovered that he can now reach high enough to pull things down from the edge of the table. Somehow I hadn't seen that milestone coming (note to self - keep everything away from the edges), and yet here it is. Evan is a climber, too, not like Anna and Will. He routinely climbs onto the fireplace hearth. And when I'm walking him around the house he will walk up to a chair or table, for example, and hold his foot up as high as he can, wanting to step up onto it. It's somewhat bittersweet to see our little guy moving out of the baby stage, but mostly it's sweet, as the 1- to 2-year-old stage is one of my favorites. They're just so darned cute at this age - and not nearly as much trouble as a 3-year-old. I've found threes to be much more "terrible" than twos. Of course, this baby might change the way I think about all that - you just never know.

Photo Albums

I love taking pictures - especially of my kids - documenting our life, preserving a bit of history. I have kept up with photo albums since high school - not the fancy "scrapbooking" style that has become popular, but a merely functional format to organize the pictures and add some notes in the margins. Currently I am running a year behind in my photo albums, though. Literally May 2009 is next on my list to order prints from Snapfish. It's so hard to find the time to keep up with all our photos, and now summer is coming and I'll have less time to accomplish anything with the kids out of school. If I tried to do scrapbooking, I'd be toast - countless years behind. As it is, I order the prints, slap them in the book, write some captions, and move on. And still I'm behind. But it's worth it. In the last couple years Anna and Will have really started enjoying looking at the photo albums, learning or remembering the stories of our family history. Their enjoyment helps to spur me on. I just wish I could catch up to date!

Animal Kingdom

Anna and Will love animals. Really. They like to pretend we are all a family of bunnies, for example. But they are also very competitive with each other, so they will often end up arguing about what kind of animal we will all be. Anna wants to be bunnies; Will wants to be whales; someone ends up whining or crying. Will has become more clever lately, though. Anna says, "let's pretend we're all bunnies." Before announcing his animal Will asks me, "Mommy, what eats bunnies?"

First Steps, First Party

Today (Saturday, May 1) we celebrated Evan's first birthday with a pizza and cake party with family. Evan started off the day by impressing Jon and me with his very first steps - four of them - from the bed to his daddy. Way to go, little guy! I think he enjoyed his party, too, with both sets of grandparents, one aunt, one uncle, and several cousins. We all gathered around expectantly to watch him eat his oversized cupcake (the cake was for the rest of us), but alas! Evan hardly knew what to do with it. Although he is a year old, he does not care much for solid food yet (not at all like his sister and brother at that age). He did manage to eat some of the frosting and break the cake part into smaller pieces, but overall it was pretty anticlimactic. He thought the toys and balloons were lots of fun, though. Will thought it would be fun to pee on the tree in the backyard when he figured no one was looking. Too bad for him that we saw him, with pants down, through the kitchen window. He was so amused by his mischief that he immediately came inside and confessed, grinning and giggling. After all the party excitement, Evan took a nice nap. Such is the life of a one-year-old.

Perfectly Unfinished

Wouldn't you know the one day a friend unexpectedly stops by my house, needing to use the bathroom, is the Day of Unfinished Projects? Like the freshly stain-treated pile of baby clothes on the bathroom counter that didn't make it to the laundry yet. Or the toilet that I was going to scrub, but then Evan woke up. Or the mantle still holding my hubby's piles of things that he deposits there (which I periodically gather and lovingly give back to him). Or the kitchen table strewn with art projects and, yes, a few Easter eggs. Even just two doors closed (the computer room and master bedroom) would have made me feel a bit better. But no, today all the secrets were out; perfection was no where to be seen. My friend caught me right in the midst of my life. Sigh! I wish it were prettier!

Why is it that we moms/ladies feel we have to clean up, make everything just right, before we can have each other over? Aren't we just unnecessarily burdening ourselves and each other instead of just relaxing and enjoying each other's company more freely? Perhaps it's just me and my perfectionistic self that feels this way. As another friend tells me, "If someone's coming over to look at my house, then they have no business coming." She says that, though, with her one school-age child, living in their perfectly cleaned, organized, and decorated house. Things are different in my world. I've discovered that having three kids is one of God's ways of breaking me of my desire for perfection. I'm just not quite there yet...

Scavenger Walks

The weather has been beautiful lately - 70s and 80s, sunshine, nice breeze - and the kids and I have started a new routine of going for walks in the afternoons to explore and search for critters. Anna and Will each bring a Scavenger Walk list, created by myself, with pictures and names of the items we need to look for... bird, car, snake, flower, etc. Then we head off to one or more of the drainage ditches and ponds in our neighborhood to see what we can see. At the same time, we are a sight to behold, I am sure, as I push Evan in the umbrella stroller, Anna pushes her baby doll in her little stroller, and Will, not to be outdone, pushes his orange wheelbarrow through the streets of our neighborhood, stopping periodically to mark something off the lists. We have seen bullfrogs, minnows, ducklings, turtles, two water snakes, and maybe even a small alligator (that one is debatable). Anna and Will love finding these critters; Evan rides contentedly; and I relish the mild weather, fully aware of the oppressive heat just around the corner that will chase me to the refuge of air conditioning.

Cousins

Last week the kids were out of school for spring break, and we spent lots of time at my in-laws' house, especially since Heidi was in town with most of her family. Jon's parents have 20 grandkids, and we had 15 in town last week. Anna and Will love spending time with their cousins, who range in age all the way up to grad school - my three are the youngest. But even the older cousins tend to be gracious to my little ones, taking time to play or chat or include them in whatever is going on. For this I am most grateful.

There is something special about the bond among cousins growing up, which perhaps could be said of the bond of family in general. I experienced the same thing as a child, enjoying my playmates and the sense of "we" (as in "our family"). The great thing is that now, though separated by years and miles, there's still that special connection with my cousins. I'm happy to watch my kids building that same foundation, unknowingly, through time spent with their cousins.

Hatching Chicks

The kids are on Spring Break this week, and my sister-in-law, Heidi, is in town with some of her family. So today we headed to the Oglethorpe Mall to visit the Chick Hatchery. Anna and Will were so excited to see the little freshly-hatched chicks - as they love all animal babies - and even got to hold them. Evan liked the little chicks, too, but I kept him at a distance for the protection of the chicks, of course! They had incubators there with brown eggs ready to hatch, but unfortunately we didn't see anyone breaking through their shells.

After visiting the chicks, we whiled away some time at the mall... a little playtime at the Soft Play area, a visit to the children's section of Barnes and Noble to look at books and play with trains, then climbing on the rides at the Food Court (Anna and Will still enjoy the "rides" without money in them!). There's a carousel in the Food Court now, which we decided save for another day.

It made for a nice outing, followed up with a beautiful afternoon for playing at the neighborhood park. I love springtime!

Jesus a Democrat?

Sometimes, driving down the road, I'll see a bumper sticker that says Jesus was a Democrat or something to that effect. The passage of the healthcare entitlement program has brought this to mind again. I guess the bumper sticker people make their claim based on Jesus' compassion towards the poor, the sick, etc. But I think they are missing the point - either by honest ignorance or blatant disregard. Jesus never advocated that the government do anything to help people. He wasn't about earthly government. Jesus wanted his followers to give and help others out of a joyful heart and to honor him. He did not assert that government should require the masses to fork over their money to be redistributed it to others. Jesus even stated that we would always have the poor among us - there will be no utopia on earth, people. Government can't do it. If the "giving" is required, it's not really giving, is it? How joyfully do you pay your taxes? Would anyone say you are generous because you pay your taxes? Yes, we should pay our taxes honestly because it's the right thing to do. But Jesus was about the heart - give joyfully, give freely, show compassion, serve others. If anything, it seems government redistribution of wealth makes the heart grow cold as it lets us off the hook (while simultaneously demoralizing the taxed). It's not our responsibility to take care of others anymore since the government does it through our taxes and programs. The government gains more and more control; people grow more and more dependent. That doesn't sound like freedom to me. It sounds more like slavery. Somehow I'm guessing that's not the angle Jesus would take.

Census 2010

I filled out our 2010 Census form recently, and now I am left puzzling a bit. Two things: 1. why do Hispanics get a whole separate question and 2. why is one race option simply "white?" I honestly would like to know.

What is the significance of being "Hispanic" that it warrants a whole question on a very brief census questionnaire? And if it is not a "race," as stated in the census, then what is it and why does it matter? It makes me wonder if there is some hidden agenda at work. Bring on the conspiracy theories!

And "white?" Really, that's it? My skin is not really white and I'm not from Whiteland or anything. Where is the option for European American? All the other groups have very descriptive, geographically based identifiers. There is no black, yellow, or red race option. How about Ukrainian/French/German/English American? That's something I can identify with! In hindsight I should have marked "other" for the sake of accuracy, but alas I dutifully marked "white" as I have been trained. Perhaps European Americans should try to increase awareness and sensitivity in our society so that we may be properly recognized by our land of origin.

Saturday, Workday

Today (Saturday) I decided to load up my three youngsters (ages 6, 4, and 10 months) and head to my office while Jon was working. I work part time from home, but usually go into the office on the weekends briefly to tie up loose ends, etc. I have never taken the kids with me due to the fact that, in most things, they slow me down. But today I wanted to knock it out and be done with it, and Jon wasn't home anyway... So off we went - fully supplied with toys, snacks, and a stack of stuff to be done.

I was a bit apprehensive about the whole scenario - mostly regarding Evan and how to contain and entertain him while still accomplishing my work. Anna and Will are usually pretty good in such situations as long as they have something to occupy themselves with. So let's just say I was less than enthused when I pulled up at the office and saw my boss's car parked outside. I had to revamp my strategy - forget about letting Evan play on the floor or cry for even a second. The pressure was on. Not only did I have to get my work done, but now I had to maintain a pleasant, professional work environment for others (who are not usually there on the weekends!). Evan would be the lap baby and I would work as fast as possible.

Once inside I saw my boss's wife and big, sweet, enthusiastic dog were there, too, with files and boxes pulled out all over the place. Nope, no floor for Mr. E today. Anna and Will were very good, as expected. Evan fulfilled expectations, too, being good for a while until, perhaps realizing he was missing a nap, he grew increasingly fussy. So the poor dog howled, having been exiled to the bathroom for his unbridled enthusiasm, and Evan fidgeted and fussed while I wrestled him and tried to click, print, and organize papers. Evan grabbed papers, pulled on desk drawers, tried to lunge to the floor, pulled my hair (he thought that was particularly funny), and chewed on my fingers as I tried to work. It struck me as revealing that no one offered to hold the baby so I could finish up, but I guess they're just not "baby people." It occurred to me today that I'm not getting paid enough.

Sleep-deprived

My baby won't sleep! Aaaahhh!!! Last night is a blur - I don't know how many times he woke up. Two? Three? The problem is he won't go back to sleep, often for over an hour. I try everything... from merely hoping he'll go back to sleep, to sitting up quietly, to talking/singing, holding/rocking. When I finally feel hopeless, I tell Jon I'm done and he can have a go at it. Last night between crying spells Evan was standing in his crib, practicing waving - it would've been funnier if I'd been more awake. When Jon took his turn, he told me he and Evan made the rounds of the house, with Evan happily playing with toys in various rooms - I was oblivious as I essentially passed out as soon as Jon took over and the crying stopped.

What to do? I pray, I read silly books on infant sleep, I've gotten all kinds of advice. Evan is 10 months old. I know in my head that this won't go on forever, but in the dark hours of the night it sure feels like it. Is there some kind of lesson I'm supposed to learn from this experience? If so, just send me an email, God, and let's get it over with! The greatest thing I can imagine right now is a full, uninterrupted night of sleep. Wow.

A Broader Education

How does one go about educating the general population outside of the school system? I guess if you're a large enough group with adequate funding you can launch a public awareness campaign - advertising, promoting, selling your message with the right image to make it appealing - like breast cancer awareness with its pink ribbons and events. I have a few issues that are important and dear to my heart that I wish the general population could know better. Aside from my core concern for the sharing of the gospel message, which I believe is not best served by an advertising campaign, these topics are:

1. basic financial education of the general population - how crazy that this is not a required part of everyone's school education - balancing a checkbook, smart use of credit, why you should pay bills on time, interest explained, etc.

2. education on women's options for pregnancy and childbirth, encouraging women to think through the options instead of blindly submitting to a doctor's decrees without asking questions - to encompass the pros and cons of medical interventions like c-sections, epidurals, inducing labor, as well as provide info on natural alternatives including ways of coping with pain and the benefits to mother and baby of "going natural."

3. promotion of breastfeeding, which really should be pushed by the government - how much healthier would babies be and how much money would Uncle Sam save if entitlement programs didn't so easily pay for formula? I wonder if the healthcare bill has any provisions for promoting breastfeeding or the use of midwives and birth centers to lower costs. Oh, right, the bill doesn't do anything to really lower medical costs, plus that would aggravate the big medical business.

4. motivational and inspirational instruction aimed especially at the younger at-risk population to help them set higher goals, get excited about learning, find strong role models - to help those like a little girl (poor, black) I met who aspired to be a single mom... as well as light a fire under the rest of us, too.

Anyway, I'm rambling and I'm not sure what my point is, but I just wonder how to effectively get a message "out there" without having a zillion dollars. Hmmm...

Ash Wednesday Ramblings

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the season of Lent, as we march on toward Easter. I always debate whether to give up something for Lent as I have mixed feelings about it. As a kid I was raised Catholic so I always found something to give up for Lent. When I got older I turned away from church for a time because I lacked understanding of the gospel, the reason. In high school I came to faith through the outreach of Young Life, finally grasping that Christianity is about a personal relationship with Jesus, because of His great love and sacrifice for me, not a set of rules and rituals. So I scoffed at the traditions and liturgy I had previously known in church, and moved in more non-denominational, less liturgical bodies of faith. Interestingly enough, as I have gotten older, I have made a circle of sorts by joining the Lutheran church, a more liturgical group. I have come to understand some of the deep meaning behind the rituals and practices in a way that does not bind me in human tradition, but enhances the worship experience with a more profound expression of spiritual truths than I find in contemporary worship services.

So, back to Ash Wednesday... here I am, still undecided. Perhaps my indecision stems from fear of suffering or worse, failure. Can I really live without chocolate? Or sweets? Really? One never knows the true strength of a thing until one tries to resist it. Try to resist temptation and then you will know its power. The Lord's Prayer does not request "make us strong to resist temptation," but "don't even lead us to temptation" because the flesh is weak. We cannot do the good we want to do, but rather we do the bad we do not want to do so often (as Paul writes). But thankfully, God sent Jesus, His only precious Son, to rescue us from ourselves so that through Him we can do all things.

Snow Day!

Well, we had real snow last night here in Savannah for the first time since February 1996. Anna and Will had a blast running around outside in it with all the other kids on the block, trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues, and scooping up "snowballs" to throw. It was great fun, but then Anna and Will needed to go to bed, and we all hoped to see snow in the morning.

This morning we were disappointed to see only a soggy landscape and not a trace of snow. But never fear! We loaded up our gang and drove an hour north to my parents' house where they still had a couple inches on the ground! Anna and Will were delighted to see the blanket of snow covering everything, making it all "pitch white" as Anna exclaimed. :) We made a snowman and snow angels (against my dad's desires - "they'll get all wet and cold!" Ok, and they get this chance once in a decade or so? I think we can get a little wet and cold!). The kids had fun just goofing off in the snow. Except Evan, who just stared at it and touched it a bit. We even got to eat lunch with my folks, too, before scurrying back home to go to a birthday party that we were late for because I was misinformed of the time... but that's a different story. The snow was great!

A Refreshing Trip to the Vet

Yesterday I took Lucy, our boxer, to the vet. Dog people love Lucy; non-dog people, not so much. She is classic boxer... a fun-loving, exuberant clown who wiggles her whole body in greeting, and then jumps up to lick your face! She loves everyone - unless you upset her by knocking on our door or skateboarding outside our house, though she'll still likely lick you if given the chance. Anyway, we were off to the vet!

For some reason it occured to me to ask my mother-in-law to watch Anna, Will, and Evan during our vet visit. And an amazing thing happened. I had a delightful, relaxing, almost retreat-like time at the vet's office sans kids! I was able to give my attention to my big sweet dog, let my mind wander, and sit peacefully waiting. It was so easy!! No negotiating who gets to hold the leash, no settling of disputes about the seating arrangements, no wrestling with a squirmy learning-to-walk nine-month-old who wants to put everything in his mouth. Just me and my dog in harmony with the universe.

Obviously, I don't get out much by myself!

9 Months of Evan, and I Digress

Tomorrow Evan will be nine months old. I was sorting through his old baby clothes today, and realized that is a dangerous thing to do. Once the clothes are in the box, do not take them out again. They are so tiny. So cute. So sentimental - or is that just me? He was such a little baby just yesterday, it seems, so sleepy and helpless with those cute scrawny legs. Now Evan is crawling, following after Anna and Will, and pulling up on stuff, trying to walk. He puts everything in his mouth... except food, that is. Yes, my nine-month-old acts like I'm torturing him whenever I offer him solid food, which baffles me. (Anna and Will were eating all kinds of foods by this time in their development.) I guess my littlest guy has an issue with food transitions... taking three months to figure out breastfeeding, now three months of resisting solids. At this rate he won't be ready for his traditional Schumacher Happy First Birthday Cupcake.

Evan is still so cute - cuter now, and more fun than when he was a tiny baby. Perhaps what makes me so sentimental is the knowledge that this phase, too, is fleeting. I can almost sense an older me watching me here in this time, more acutely aware of what is slipping away than I can ever be now. And I am telling me to stop and cherish and store up these things in my heart and take the time, but it is so hard in the midst of going here and there and fixing the broken toy and the hurt feelings and the spill on the floor. But this is where we live, in the midst of the mess. And life is messy, so that's all we have and that's where we must do our treasuring and cherishing. So there it is. Weird. Happy 9 months, little Ev!

Anna and Will's Thoughts on Heaven

Driving in the car today, out of the blue, Will expressed that he didn't want to go to heaven because there won't be any tv's and nothing to watch. I said there would be a lot of great stuff to do there, to which Anna added, "Yeah, maybe we can make crafts with Jesus!" That seemed to convince Will that heaven would be alright after all. :)

Happy New Year thoughts

Happy New Year! Everyone says it, and probably means it, but it's a funny phrase to me. It carries with it great hopes and goodwill wishes, but lacks power. Perhaps it is too ambitious a phrase. Maybe it falls short because it's a wish for a whole year. Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and the rest only aspire to a single day, which is much more manageable. But Happy New Year goes for the whole 365. May this year be the best yet, certainly way better than last year, which may have been pretty darn good depending on your particular situation. There's a hollow ring to me... so much can happen in a year. This past year our family had sickness and new life, laughter and tears, a new school and the same old same old all mixed together. And that's life. So happy New Year - really. But whether the whole year is happy or not, just try to remember to savor the living of it.