Night Time Musing

It's night and the house is miraculously silent save for the ticking of a clock and my own click-click-clicking on the computer. The stillness of night is a haven for thinking thoughts. I don't manage much stillness these days (or nights).

I used to relish such time and use it to set words in motion in poetry I fancied significant. There's nothing quite like pouring out your heart on paper, dressing up the truth in metaphor. My house is a fortress, a lone beacon of light, guarding me against the darkness of a naked world.

Looking at a Heart

Anna was telling me today that her class at school was learning about the human body, and they got to see a real heart on a video. She said it was gross.

Will asked Anna, "Did you see any sins?"

"What?" she asked back, obviously confused.

"Did you see any sins?" he repeated.

At this point I realized what he meant. Growing up in a Christian home, he knows that everyone has sin in his/her "heart." So naturally he expected that if one actually looked at a heart, one would see sins there.

"You can't really see the sins there, Will," I explained.

"Oh," he replied, and carried on with what he was doing.

Voices in My Head

I need to clear my thoughts, but I just can't get these voices out of my head. No, don't worry, I'm not going crazy. It's just the kids playing in the other room... chattering, giggling, complaining, trying their best to navigate relationships and power struggles and still have a good time.

Big Sister is always in charge, which works great until she takes it too far, and Middle Child decides he's had enough and it's his turn. Little Guy pretty much goes along with the other two, just happy to be included.

Currently they're playing they are a family of mice, but they should be cats I think. I've heard it said that dealing with small children is like herding cats, and I can definitely see the merits of the analogy.

Imagine a pleasant woman entering a store with three little feline friends. "Come along!" she calls. She is on a mission to find a new dress for an upcoming weekend event.

Cat #1 slinks along beside the woman, periodically dashing between her feet and nearly causing her to fall. Cat #2 notices the tags hanging from the clothing on the racks, and begins a swatting game. Cat #3 simply lays down to lick his fur, perfectly oblivious to the demands and desires of the lovely woman.

If the woman can get all three cats moving in the same direction, it is highly likely that they are chasing each other and bound to topple over some racks of clothing. Such is the daily challenge of the mother of more than one child.

So, yes, my kids are in my head, and it is hard to get them out. They are often all-consuming, even when they are not present. They can challenge my wits, my patience, my creativity. They explore, test, question, whine, protest, giggle, and leap for joy. They are me. And that in itself is the greatest source of joy and frustration.

Farewell to Lucky

Just before the weather turned colder, we released our little Lucky Lizard in the backyard. His tail was growing back and he seemed to have adjusted to his missing back foot.

It took a couple weeks of persuasion, but the kids finally agreed to set him free without crying about it. So one afternoon we gathered together, and released Lucky onto the trumpet plant in the backyard, in hopes that he will peek at us through the kitchen window occasionally.

It has been a week and we have not seen our little reptile friend. I hope he is doing well and we made the right decision. His tank still sits empty, and the kids ask when we will get hermit crabs.

Lucky Needs to Eat

So we took in this green anole, newly named Lucky, and had to figure out what to feed him. The whole family got involved in multiple bug hunts to find food for our new friend. We caught a bunch of grasshoppers, and put some in with Lucky, but he seemed uninterested.

After a day or two, we did some research on the internet and learned our anole really desires crickets and mealworms, and that his food should be about half the length of his head. Fascinating.

So Jon stopped by Petsmart to get mealworms and brought home superworms instead (they had no little capes, super though they were). We opened the superworms and quickly realized they were huge (in a relative sort of way) and they had legs, which I thought quite odd for worms. Lucky was not at all interested in them.

Fortunately, we were able to return the superworms, and I bought a small box of small crickets. No one has actually seen Lucky eat a cricket, but he seems to be doing well and I think the crickets are disappearing (although they do tend to hide), so I think we're on to something.

I have found, however, that crickets, which I used to think were such cute, friendly little bugs, kinda creep me out. I try not to look at them too much except to get a head count. It might be because these crickets are pale and not the black ones I'm used to. Whatever it is, I'm not liking them very much. Anna and Will at first tried to name them, but I told them it's best not to name the food... unless they want to name them Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.

Our New Pet: Lucky the Lizard

This past Friday Jon found a little green anole who had a crushed back leg and missing tail. Naturally, we took him in as a rescue, fearing he would not be able to A) catch food and B) escape predators with only three legs. We improvised a round fish bowl for his new home, and named him Lucky. The kids were delighted!

Lucky didn't really look very comfortable in the fish bowl, though. It was far too curvy for him, even with the grass and sticks we put in there to make him feel at home. After a couple days, since he was still alive, we took the plunge and bought a real terrarium for him, complete with gravel and orchid bark (apparently anoles really like orchid bark, which, just so you know, is not the actual bark of orchids). We added a couple small potted plants and voila! Instant green anole happy habitat!

Only he didn't look so happy to me. Anna thought he looked like he was smiling. But to me, Lucky seemed to be a bit depressed... the way he gazed endlessly out the window, the way he looked at me with suspicion. He appeared to be longing for the world outside. For freedom.

Freedom. I began to feel conflicted about keeping our little friend. Is it better to live long in a new place in safety? Or to live free, risking a shorter life and even traumatic death? "Live free or die!" Right? But I don't know... he's an anole after all so maybe he doesn't really mind so much or think so deeply.

So for now, we take care of him, and I think he has perked up a bit. Maybe it's the crickets that have won him over...

With Open Arms

This morning at church, getting ready to go up for communion, I was thinking. Thinking about how - particularly when we come to church - God receives His children to Himself with open arms. He is our Refuge.

We come to Him humbly, laying our baggage at His feet. And He says, "Come to me, everyone who is weak and weary."

The world is a mess out there, and we've all done our part to make it worse. But His love is stronger than that... "unyielding as the grave." He receives His children with open arms of forgiveness. We give Him our failures, regrets, sins... And He gives us peace and rest and hope and life. It's not a fair exchange really.

Some, from the outside, may look at Christians and think that we think we are so good and self-righteous. But true Christians know first and foremost that they are totally unworthy of the amazing gift of God. We have forgiveness and life only by the grace of God, not based on any "good" thing we might try to do.

And the gift is all-inclusive... an open invitation to the masses to Come. Taste and See that God is good. But only those who Come receive the gift.